This is what my husband is now calling me. Tongue very much in cheek. However there is a nugget of truth in there. I had my first 'showing' yesterday. The week leading up to it, I was a mess. Trying hard not to let on. The nerves were out of control and the thoughts of 'what am I doing?, I don't deserve this yet, I'm not an artist, am I deluding myself?, etc....."
But as hubbie and I were arranging the canvases on the display board, and other artists were doing the same, it felt o.k. Maybe even a little bit exciting. I kept peeking around at the other art that was going up. Many of the others were the usual suspects, the local artists I see around at shows often. Many of them, I admire very much. I was reminded again at how distinctly 'different' my art is. Then I realized how distinctly different each piece I do is! Then I came to a peaceful place with my uniqueness. It is what it is. I am who I am. In that moment I didn't care whether anyone liked it. When I stood back and looked at my display, I distanced myself from it. I liked the colors, and I liked the oddness that was reflected back at me.
At the show I received lovely comments, and had some great chats. One in particular from another artist. I realized that what I am going through is normal, that perhaps all this insecurity may never go away, but it is part of the journey. It takes courage putting ourselves out there.
And this art thing, that I've got going on inside me... well, it's not going away. So, I better get used to it. And as a few people told me last night, I must keep sharing. O.k, o.k, working on it.
Another show in a week. No big whoop.